We are all busy…sometimes too busy!

Tammy shares some of her tips for establishing balance in your life below.

• Define what your ideal balance would be– Remember that everyone has a different view of “balance” or of “having it all.” So do not compare what your definition of balance is to anyone else’s. Take the time to map out a day or week in your life that would contain the balance that would make you happy. Then begin to put steps in place to achieve this balance in your life.

• Learn how to be comfortable with leaning on people - Since you cannot pick up carpool and attend a work meeting at the same time, find friends or family to help you out. Offer to swap time with them so you both can benefit from leaning on each other. There is nothing wrong with asking for help. This does not make you a “bad parent.” In fact, it will make you a a better parent because trying to do everything will leave you with giving only 50% in anything you do.

• Protect your “me time” - This is vitally important. I cannot stress enough that you need to “book” yourself time just like you would book a doctor’s appointment or ballet lesson. If you are working and raising children, you are expending energy every minute of every day. So it is absolutely crucial to fill yourself back up by giving yourself “me time” on a regular basis. Trust me…this will make everyone happier!

• Schedule time alone with your children - Not only is it important to book time for yourself, it is also important to schedule time alone with your children on a regular basis. Pick out a favorite activity to do with each of your children and schedule it (even if it is something as simple as going for a 10 minute walk). Write the “date” on the family calendar so your children can look forward to their special time with mom and dad.

• Check in regularly with your childcare provider - Your childcare provider is one of the most important people in your life as a working parent. Check in with your childcare provider often regarding ways to better work together in raising your children. Give the caregiver all the tools she needs to provide you with the most help she can. The more the caregiver understands what you are looking for, the better she will be equipped to help you with all the tasks in daily life.

• Cherish the little things - Learn to prioritize your worries and talk about if you are expending energy on stressing over the little things. Figure out what you can control (within reason) and make a plan to fix it (instead of letting stress take over your life). Getting past the stress of the little things will open you up to cherishing the small things in life. Slow down the pace of life and really enjoy it – your children will be grown all too soon!

Is the drama when dressing your toddler more than you can take?

Children this age are trying to develop their independence so getting your toddler dressed can be a challenge.  Lower the drama in your house by following the below tips.

• Stick to a routine when it comes to dressing – Teach your child that every morning (7 days a week – even on weekends) we wake up, eat breakfast and then get dressed. Deviating from this routine will confuse a child (“Why do I have to get dressed today when I was in my jammies until lunchtime yesterday?”) and may make the child more resistance to getting dressed.

• Don’t ask your child “What are you going to wear today?” - This question can confuse your child into thinking that getting dressed is an option, instead of a necessity.

• Lay out your child’s clothes the night before - Explain to your child what she will be doing the next day while wearing the clothes. For example, “We are going to the park tomorrow with Justine and her mom, so let’s wear this shirt and these shorts.” Then lay it all out so your child can easily get to it the next day. Now the clothes become part of something fun to look forward to.

• If your child repeatedly refuses to wear a particular item of clothing, ask him why - There may be a very good reason why your child does not want to wear the item. Maybe the sweater is too itchy or the pants are too tight. Clothing should be comfortable, not a nuisance.

• Make getting dressed fun for your child while building her independence - Offer your child two or three options for a shirt and let her pick. Buy clothes that your child can put on himself (like elastic waists instead of zippers or shirts with big buttons or snaps) and then have a race to see who can get dressed faster. Give your child clothes that have his favorite animal on them and then have him make the sound the animal makes while getting dressed.

• Pick your battles - Decide if an outfit is appropriate or a big “no-no” for the outing you are going on. If it isn’t that big of a deal, let it go. If it is totally inappropriate, then take the time to explain why it is inappropriate to your child instead of just saying “no.”

• Praise and compliment your child - Once your child is dressed, praise him and thank him for getting dressed in such a helpful manner. Never make fun of a child or be overly critical of the choices he makes about clothing. Instead appreciate the fact that the child is unique and has his own tastes. Find something to compliment about the child’s outfit. Tell him how cool his shoes are or how pretty her hair looks. Children thrive on compliments and the regular use of them will help your child in building confidence around making his own choices.

Being a Mom is hard work. We live this every day…

By implementing the tips below, the payoff will be amazing and your children will thank you – as there is nothing better than a happy Mom!

• Remind yourself that “It is okay!” – I cannot stress this enough! Moms need to remind themselves daily (and usually more than once, twice – maybe ten times a day) that “It is okay.” For example: “I am tired.” It is okay to be tired and to go to bed 30 minutes early tonight. “I can’t get to the store today.” It’s okay. The store will still be there tomorrow. “I cannot get my friend called back today.” It is okay to just send her a quick text and tell her that you will try to call her tomorrow. “I can’t find the time to unload the dishwasher this afternoon.” It’s okay to ask your partner to help you with this later. Give yourself a break. You are doing the most difficult job on the planet. You are not going to be able to get to everything every day. Ease up on yourself!

• The biggest harm to Moms is other Moms - What do you think when you look at the other Moms at playdates? Or other Moms when you are at the store? Is the first thought in your head something like “why can’t I look as put together as her with kids that are that well behaved?” (If not, good for you!) Looking at what other Moms “can do” (like how many playdates she hosts, how her children behave, how her kids are dressed, what kind of meals she cooks every day, all the jobs she works – you get the idea) is not a healthy way to measure your own abilities as a mother. You are your OWN best mother. Remember, you have no idea what goes on behind closed doors or what is happening when you are not around. Do not compare yourself to other Moms as it is like comparing apples to oranges – you are not privy to all the details of their lives. Just focus on doing the best you can for your family!

• Do not fight your feelings - If you are feeling sad, allow yourself to feel sad. If you are hungry, eat something. If you are tired, lay down while the kids are at school or napping. Don’t try to cover up or hide your feelings. If you are experiencing negative feelings, find someone to talk to. (Keeping in your negative feelings is similar to keeping the garbage in and we know what happens to the garbage when it doesn’t get put out so please talk about your feelings with someone.) Be good to yourself and that means taking the time to listen to yourself and then responding (not ignoring!).

• Create a “Team” - It is so important for you to surround yourself with people that can provide you with support – from your partner, to your friends, family, neighbors and even babysitters. You need and deserve help! Remember that saying “It takes a village to raise a child?” Build your “village.” Work together with your team to provide support to each other. Barter childcare with neighbors. Trade nights taking care of each others’ children so that you can have a date night with your partner. Make a plan with your partner on who will handle dinner on which nights of the week. Plan family get togethers on Sunday afternoons at alternating homes so that you can have “adult time” while the cousins play together. Ask your partner to watch the children on Wednesday nights from 7pm – 8pm so that you can take a long bath with no interruptions. Learn to work together with your team and you and your children will benefit from it.

• Fill yourself up! - Think of yourself as a cup. As your day goes on, you are pouring more and more of yourself out of the cup. At some point, you will be empty. What happens then when your 2 year old asks the same question for the tenth time? Do you snap? The key is to refill your cup throughout the day by taking care of yourself. You may only be able to refill in small portions. But some refill is better than none at all. Take the time during the day to sit for 5 minutes and do nothing but rest your eyes. Plan a “girls’ night out.” Lean on your “team” that you created. Buy that book that you have been wanting and then schedule 30 minutes on your calendar to read tomorrow. Trust me, your whole family will benefit when Mom is happy. So take the time to fill yourself up and you will see and feel the results!

Now more than ever, the holidays provide a wonderful learning opportunity for your children.

With the economy in turmoil, families may be forced to cut their holiday spending.  Take this time to share with your children what the holidays are really about.  

• Talk to your children about the difference between “gifts” and “things” – Have conversations with your children throughout the holiday season about what is a “want” and what is a “need.” Teach them to identify the different things in their life that are “needs” and which are “wants.” Help them understand that going to the park or reading a book together is a “gift” and not a “thing”…and that these kind of gifts are better than material things.

• There are negative effects possible from receiving too many material presents - Studies have shown that children who are given too many material gifts during the holidays can experience decreased concentration, over-stimulation, desensitization to things and people, the loss of the concept of “enough” and the feeling that the child’s value is based on what (or how much) he/she receives.

• More than material gifts, children love to spend time with their parents - Make coupons for a “day at the park with dad” or a “day at the museum with mom.” Use the holidays as an opportunity to give your children the gift of your time…and make sure to follow through!

• Exchange only homemade gifts - Start a new tradition that all gifts given within your family are to be homemade. This instills the notion of making something from nothing and how gifts do not have to have a dollar amount attached to them to be special.

• Teach your children about giving - Ask your children: “What are some ways we can give to others during this time?” Encourage your child to pick a good cause to support instead of receiving a gift. Sponsoring a needy child, taking toys to sick children, giving clothing at a local shelter or serving a meal at a soup kitchen teaches the joy that comes with giving and how giving can be as rewarding as receiving.

• You can still give gifts, but giving less makes each present more special - Think about something that is of interest to your child and try making it an educational process. For example, if your child has asked for a guitar, one gift could be a book about guitars, another could be a coupon for a trip to a guitar store with dad, the third could be a movie about a famous guitar player, the fourth could be guitar lessons for a month and the final gift – the guitar.

• Most important, spend this holiday session reminding your children that the true gifts in life are being with family and friends!

Post your parenting questions on our Facebook page next to the Tammy’s Two @ Two logo and Tammy will answer two of the questions every day at 2:00pm.

Parenting expert, Tammy Gold, is looking forward to answering all your parenting questions from potty training, to sleep training, to sibling rivalry, to discipline, to communicating with your teenager, to negotiating your nanny’s new contract, to developing a parenting plan with your spouse.

Post your questions here:  Facebook next to Tammy’s Two @ Two logo and check back each day at 2:oopm Eastern to see if she answered your question!

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Unsure how to handle the confusing, overwhelming topic of your Nanny Taxes?

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Homework Solutions is offering our clients the Expert Start Up Program (or ESP) for FREE. The complimentary ESP program (a $100 value to your family) has no further obligation on your part.

By enrolling using our Agency Code (GNG8744), you are entitled to:

• Complimentary telephone tax consultation– let their experts address all your payroll concerns at no cost or obligation.

• Complimentary payroll analysis– determine the employee’s payroll deductions and the employer’s tax obligation and budget.

• Complimentary employment agreement compensation language– hourly rate analysis protects employers from unpaid overtime claims and insures you and your employee understand the compensation agreement.

• Complimentary registration with taxing authorities– to establish proper employer accounts.

• Complimentary New Hire Reporting– a legal requirement of all U.S. Employers.

Go to http://www.4nannytaxes.com/esp or call 1-800-NANITAX to take advantage of this offer! Families MUST use our NannyTax Agency Code when contacting HomeWork Solutions. OUR AGENCY CODE IS GNG8744.

Families are under no obligation to enroll in any of HomeWork Solutions’ fee-based nanny payroll or nanny tax compliance services – but they would love to help you simplify your ‘nanny taxes’ long term.

Have you ever watched your beautiful baby turn into a screaming mess right in front of your eyes?

Alleviating temper tantrums will result in happier parents and happier children -
So what can a parent do?

• Learn to recognize what type of tantrum it is – Tantrums are usually one of two types:  Manipulative or Frustration.  Manipulativetantrums are what children use when they know their behavior will result in the outcome they desire.  For example:  Dolly throws a tantrum because she knows Mommy will hold her if she screams.  Frustration tantrums are when a child is feeling overwhelmed in a situation and does not know how to express his emotions.  For example:  Kurt cannot reach a toy on the shelf in the closet but doesn’t know how to ask for help so instead he just begins screaming.

• Be aware of what is causing the tantrum  - Tantrums are usually the result of:
  ~ Your child’s mental and motor skills developing more quickly than his communication skills
  ~ Your child’s desire to gain independence
  ~ Your child’s inability to communicate what he is feeling
  ~ Your child feeling as if he is not getting enough attention
  ~ Your child experiencing stress for some reason

• Begin to recognize when, where and what triggers your child’s tantrums - If tantrums happen in a particular place or situation, try to prevent the child from being a part of that.  For example, if the tantrums usually occur during a long car ride, try stopping every hour and running around with the child to burn some energy.  Or if the tantrums occur while in the candy aisle at the grocery store, avoid the candy aisle the best you can.  If your child throws a tantrum when in a restaurant, it is usually because he is bored – too much “adult time.”  Find some special toys that the child can only play with when at a restaurant.  Create a special “restaurant treat bag” that you take along whenever you go out to eat and let the child relieve his boredom by playing with a new toy – you will be amazed at how the child’s tantrums will decrease with the increase of fun, new activities!

• Children want to be heard and understood - If your child is throwing a tantrum, use it as an opportunity to teach your child after acknowledging that you hear and understand what she is saying.  By using small 3 – 4 word phrases, let your child know that you hear her.  For example:  ”I know you are mad.  I know you are mad.”  Let the child see that you hear her.  Then, begin to teach her how to use her words to express herself.  For example:  If your child cannot get a book off the shelf, say to her “I know you are mad.  I know you are mad.  Say ‘help” and point.  See (and point to the book at the same time) – ‘help.’”  Teach your child how to use her words and hand motions to express what she wants.  Once she knows that you hear and understand her, she will be ready to learn what to do next time.

• Tantrum-proof your child’s surroundings -Remove all breakable items out of the child’s sight so there is no temptation to touch an item and then have to be told “no.”  By taking away the temptations and leaving the child with only things that are safe and acceptable to play with, the number of tantrums will go down.  You can also tantrum-proof by providing age-appropriate games, toys and activities for your child.  By doing so, your child will not become frustrated while trying to engage with something that is not appropriate for his skill level (which usually results in a tantrum).

• Staying calm during the tantrum is very important - Don’t make the situation worse by losing your cool.  Stay in control of yourself and don’t yell – this will scare the child even more.  The child is already afraid because of the emotions he is experiencing so don’t add to his fear – instead remain calm.

• Tantrums can occur less by spending quality time with your child - Quality time means giving the child your undivided attention for short periods of time (even as little as 5 minutes at a time) on a very regular basis throughout the day.  Most tantrums are a result of your child wanting attention.  So make sure to give your child lots of positive attention, praise, hugs and kisses.  You can never give too many hugs and kisses!

• Do you want to learn more about dealing with tantrums? Let us know – Tammy would be happy to share more of her incredible strategies with you!

The makers of Lansinoh Breastfeeding Products (a trusted name – helping moms for years) makes a complete line of Toddler Mealtime Products.  I just tested some on my 6, 2 and 10 month old and they all loved them!  The cups, spoons, forks are all toys and the kids literally were quiet as we prepared dinner.  All of the products “wobble” and the kids play with them like toys.  The best part is that the cups have two parts (easy to clean and hygeinic) and a straw and are the perfect transition from bottle to cup.

The single best mealtime products I have ever seen for kids from 0 all the way to 6!

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I believe and I bet they will be a hit!  Playing and keeping busy is the best way to have calm family meals!

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TV SHOW LOOKING FOR PARENTS WHO CROSS THE LINE:
Are you fed up with someone’s parenting style? Do you feel like your parents are crossing the line with your relationships? Are you and your spouse/partner on a different page when it comes to parenting?

If you or someone you know are fed up with people getting involved with how you raise your kids, we want to hear your story! Please call Chanel from the Bill Cunningham show – 212.419.7473 or 646.701.4873 or email comari@billcunninghamshow.com

• Create a transition for back to school – Talk to your children about the upcoming start of the new school year.  For example, say “Yes, we can stay out late tonight, but next week we are going to start going to bed earlier to get ready for school.”  Regardless of age – speak to your children about the summer winding down and the school year beginning, as well as the changes that will take place in schedule, activities, etc.

• Allow your children to express any concerns or fears they may have about the upcoming school year -  Talk to your children about the teachers they will have, the classes they will be taking and the other children that will be in their classes.  Allow them the opportunity to express what they are excited about and what they are nervous about.  Talking this through will help your children deal with their emotions around the new school year.

• Use the “back to school transition” as a way to strengthen the family - Shop for school supplies together using a budget set by parents and child.  If the discussion of “I need what everyone else has” comes up, use it as a way to educate your child on what your family values are and the difference between “needs” and “wants.”  If age appropriate, bring up the topic of peer pressure, drinking and drugs.  Establish rules together as a family that will be in place before school starts.  Take an active interest in school and support your child during this transition.  This will create a strong foundation for their education.

• Look for signs of physical distress in your children - If your child is experiencing headaches, stomach aches or abnormal fatigue, these could be symptoms of a physical manifestation of his/her anxiety about the return to school.  If your child is displaying these signs or symptoms, have him/her checked out medically.  Also speak to your child about what is really going on with their feelings about school.  Try to find a way to work through the anxiety together.

• Check in often with your child - Talk to your child on a regular basis about school activities, homework, friends, sports and teachers.  Make sure the child is able to keep up with the new time commitments of school, combined with sports programs and after school programs.  If there is a great deal of activities during the week, then perhaps some activities can be taken away during the weekend.  Check in with each child individually to see what he or she can manage in regards to keeping up with school and activities.